Sunday, November 9, 2014


She's sitting on the couch, the broken-down, 10 year-old couch obtained second hand, thinking she ought to get up and do something, maybe go to the bathroom because she just had a cup of coffee and several sips of water and her bladder is beginning to protest but she doesn't want to leave the comfort of hte space heater even though she's not cold now and probably won't be when it's off and she glances up at the clock that is an hour behind because it hasn't been adjusted for daylight savings time and her head is beginning to feel weird it's because she only got 4hrs and 54 minutes of sleep last night thank you activity band it's kind of cool to know how many steps she takes a day which has been 10-13k every day this week no wonder she's tired and she'd like to go on a run but it's hard when she's so tired from getting up in the middle of the night that's what it feels like it's dark and the dog is snoring instead of dancing in his cage his too-long nails clattering on the plastic liner she thinks again she needs to go to Goodwill and buy a couple of blankets for the two dogs who won't eat it like the puppy will eat anything she's not really a puppy anymore but that's what she's called and really she's a sweet dog cute and submissive if a little gross like all dogs are and now she thinks she'd like to have a cat sometime or a gerbil like the ones she used to have as a kid their little brown and white and black and white bodies and long tails and the noises they made chewing up kleenex boxes and cereal boxes to make their nests and that one time when there were babies and they were so cute but one day she went to look at them and the babies were all dead the male had chewed their legs off and killed them and that was rather horrifying and she still would like a gerbil or two but not a hamster those things have bitten her too many times even though they are cute and what about a guinea pig she could call it Olga da Polga or Boris if it's black with swirly fur and she's been seeing that book at the library and maybe she ought to read it it's been too many years to count since her third grade teacher read it to the class complete with voices and why is it so many books she remembers reading in grade school are so horrible now like the Boxcar Children she tried reading it to the boys and it was too awful for words and that reminds her of Scooby Doo that is awful too and she used to like that show so much like all kids and now wonders why and now the heater is off and it's time to get up or maybe close her eyes because it is 4:47 in the morning and everyone else in the house and beyond is still sleeping and she wishes she was but it probably isn't going to happen and at least she wrote something this morning it's been too long and this is probably annoying to read or to hard to read but who cares?

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

The Crux of the Matter

And he said to them all, "If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me."  Luke 9:23 (KJV)

Deny myself? Say what?   Deny myself that second cup of coffee? Turn off the tv instead of watching that show on cable that's a little racy but so good? Push away from the table instead of taking a second or third helping?  Sounds a little unpleasant, doesn't it? 

That's the physical, but what about spiritual?  Stay after church services and put away the tables and chairs used for a fellowship? But I want to get home! Let someone else do it. Invite my neighbor to church? Oh, they wouldn't want to go anyway, so why bother? Besides, they might start looking at me funny and not be as friendly. And whose business is it if I watch those cable shows with the high rating? There's a good storyline and great acting! Who's gonna know, anyway?  And you just stay right out of my computer usage. It's no one's business but mine what I look at.  God knows my heart/intentions and you're not supposed to judge, Jesus said so.

 And what about the last part of that verse, about taking up a cross daily and following Jesus? Take up your cross? That doesn't sound like very much fun. Following Jesus, sure, if it doesn't cost me anything.

That's the crux of the matter, really. We don't want anything to inconvenience us. It's not that we only  think about Jesus on Sunday, we think about Him during the week, too, and sometimes even pray. And read the Bible.  That should count for something, don't you think?

It's time to ask hard questions, and nothing but commitment--true commitment--to Christ counts for something. There's a saying, 'The road to Hell is paved with good intentions'.  That is so true. Jesus Himself said that the way to destruction was broad and the path to salvation narrow. To me, this says that the herd mentality so prevalent in the world today is wrong.  What herd mentality? Why, the one that says there are many ways to God, because just believing that Jesus is the only way is so discriminatory and intolerant; the mentality that one should look at God through the lens of one's own sexuality, rather than the other way around (think about it), and many more examples abound.

Hive minds are good for bees, not so much for humans. God gave us free will--we're free to believe or not believe whatever we want. But there are consequences for this free will, and some of them are terrible.

Following Jesus isn't easy. You have to count the cost.

 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, "If any  man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whosover will save his life shall lose it; and whosover will lose his life for My sake shall find it.   Matthew 16:24,25

 I don't want to be a fan of Jesus; I want to be His follower.

Monday, June 16, 2014

the emptying nest

It is very quiet at my house. There's only one child at home this week. As a mom to five kids, noise and chaos is the norm, along with mountains of laundry, a dishwasher that runs at least twice a day, piles of dirty dishes that don't fit in the dishwasher, and constant crumbs on the floor. Not to mention being barely able to leave the kitchen because someone is 'starving'. 

You know what? I love it.  I love being a mom and doing all the things related to it. But...things are changing. My oldest daughter is preparing to leave the house, and my youngest daughter has only one year left in school and then she will be gone. 

The whole house demographic will change. The pecking order, long established, will be up for grabs. Who will come out on top? The 12yr old who likes to have alone time? The 9 yr old who likes to cook and read? Or will it be the youngest boy, a joker who likes to get his own way? (who doesn't, right?)  It will be an interesting time.

I don't know if it's better when your kids leave all at once, like for those whose children are close together, or if they leave in a dribble is better.  Maybe a swift cut is the best, although it hurts. I suppose that really doesn't matter because it won't be that way for me.

When the girls are out of the house, it will be different. And different isn't always bad, but sometimes it isn't good. It will take some getting used to, I know that for sure.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

you want syrup on that waffle?

So many things are in your face these days; there’s no subtlety any more. Headlines blare the latest celebrity faux pas and hurried apology.  Atheists scream about dummies who believe in Creation rather than evolution.  Churches waffle about homosexuality or hold out welcoming arms.    

Despite that brashness, I see a lot of waffling lately in society, from the cool pastor who refuses to publicly address homosexuality to the teenager who merely shrugs when confronted with a controversial issue. What’s the deal? Doesn’t anyone have an opinion anymore? Why are we so afraid to speak our minds? No one likes a waffler. Not even Jesus:

Revelation 3:16: So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spew thee out of My mouth.

Pretty strong words there. But it’s easy to relate, especially when you think about having a piece of warmish food in your mouth when it’s supposed to be cold or hot. Yuck.

This political correctness has gone way too far. I think we still live in America, right? Land of the free, home of the brave, you know, the place so many soldiers have died so we could be free? You familiar with that country, or has it changed so much that it’s nearly unrecognizable?

There’s a herd mentality in America. Everyone’s afraid to form an independent opinion, to step off the escalator and forge a new direction. It reminds me of this verse:

Matthew 7:13  Enter ye in by the narrow gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many are they that enter in thereby.

 That’s Jesus talking again, in case you didn’t know.  He’s basically saying that it’s no easy thing to walk the Christian walk. I personally find this verse a little frightening. So many people are on the broad way, just traveling along wherever the crowd goes, oblivious to the truth.

And what is the truth? The truth is that Jesus is the Son of God and he came to earth, lived 33 years as a man and then died on the cross and rose again so that we can have new life through Him. That wasn’t the end of it though. He had some parting words:

Mark 16:15 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.

Acts 1:8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

Are we doing that? Are we telling every person that Jesus Christ died for their sins? Are we doing enough?

Am I doing enough?  That’s the hard, soul-searching question every Christian should ask themself, and no waffling allowed.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014


2003 marks the year I became a writer. I joined a website,, and the stories just flowed out. Some were good, some not-so good, but the one thing they all had in common, for the most part, was they were dark. Dark in intent, dark characters, dark, dark, dark. That's a nicer way of saying they were horror stories, mostly.  I did have some 'nice' stories, too

After that momentous year, I continued to write and dream of being published novelist, although I didn't do too much to make it happen. Chicken, remember?  I didn't believe in myself like I needed to, and really, I wasn't using my talent for the glory of God at all.

I aim to change that. I've been asking the Lord to show me what He wants me to do with this writing talent He's given me, and I know He'll make it known eventually.

I don't know if I'll be writing fiction; I told someone recently that fiction is what I do best, that nonfiction wasn't something I was very good at, but what if that's not true? What if I can write truth? Wouldn't that be something? 

Not only has my writing subject changed (no more scary, evil stuff), the books I like to read has as well. Horror fiction used to be my genre of choice, but now I have no desire to read that stuff. I'm not saying I only read Christian fiction now, because like Christian music, it's hit and miss as far as quality goes. I still read a plethora of genres, because reading is my main pleasure in life. I have to be careful with that, though, because it would be easy for books to become an idol in my life. I recently learned that an idol is anything more important than God in your life. Everyone has idols; and not just one, I think.

Why has my focus changed? I think it's because I've grown closer to God, and I want to stay that way. Hard to do if you're constantly thinking of evil things and stuff like that. Philippians 4:8 says to think on pure and lovely things, and that's what I'm trying to do.

I still want to write, I'm just not sure what to do. How can I promote/market what I've already written if I'm not in love with it anymore? I know it's not crap, so why can't I stop thinking that it is?

Writing isn't easy.

Sunday, June 8, 2014


A book that I don't use enough is Oxford American Writer's Thesaurus. As I was pondering this first post, I tried to think beyond the ordinary cliché of life: that it is a journey, which it is.  I'm a lover of words; I like unusual-sounding words and little-used words.  Enter said book, which I've had for a number of years. Let's consider the word journey, shall we?

Journey--noun.  trip, expedition, excursion, tour, ,trek, voyage, junket, cruise, ride, drive, jaunt, crossing, passage, flight, travels, wandering, globe-trotting, odyssey, pilgrimage, peregrination.

Life is an excursion/junket/odyssey/jaunt/peregrination.  After seeing those words, journey just seems too mundane.


We are here on the earth for only a set amount of time; God knows how long for each person. It's up to us to live our lives the way we want, and what I want for my life and for my family is to serve God the best that I can and share Jesus Christ.

I admit to being somewhat of a chicken; I was thinking today exactly what it is that I am afraid of when I think of giving people the Gospel. I'm not sure. More thought and prayer is needed.

I want this blog to be a place where I can reflect on my life and how God is working in me. For some time I've just been sort of drifting along, and I don't want to do that any more. I want to have a purposeful life. I want to know God's will and follow it.

My peregrination has begun.